1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
