That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
As shirtless as possible
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
