Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
