i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Randomize
