she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
