All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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