why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
