Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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