no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
