I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
