Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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