another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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