I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
