what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
