I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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