Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
