From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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