the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
