If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
