PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
