I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
