My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
