kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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