i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
