Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
