Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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