So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
