'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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