and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
