So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
