I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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