im drinking this country out of the recession.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
