"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
