we have officially lost it.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
