I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
