There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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