He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
whose parrot is this?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
