hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
