Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
