so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
