My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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