he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
