Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
