Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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