I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
