i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
