I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
