She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Randomize
