I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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