'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
